17th of November, ????
Early Saturday sunset
To you who wished to know,
This has been one of the most tiring days I ever had. Our interact club attended a district convention in the Far Eastern University which is quite far away from our place. I won’t indulge so much on the happenings of the event itself because it’s quite hmmm– bittersweet? Yes, it’s partly humiliating and flattering at the same time. And because of that, I’ll just share some of my thoughts regarding the campus… or college life, perhaps?
Upon entering the vast grounds after a long, hot, and butt-swelling van ride, I was so comforted by the gentle breeze that swept over us. It was so cool (blame it on the trees) and I was astounded by the cleanliness. I then began to eye the campus and I saw so much–students in green skirts or pants or yellow shirts moving hastily as they swiped their ID’s, janitors sweeping the fallen dried leaves, cheerleaders and dancers strutting the same stuff, students loitering and taking their time, and of course, the campus’s centerpiece: statues in a long grassy quadrangle (they were really beautiful, so forgive me for the lame description!).
I was so amazed by the simplicity of the life presented, and I then stood musingly, visualizing myself one day carrying heavy books while rushing to the next building so as to avoid being late for my next class. I could see myself dripping with sweat as I managed to arrive split-seconds before my professor. I could imagine myself strolling in the university after that subject’s terrors and hardships. I could imagine myself buried in books so as to ensure that I would learn. I imagined laughing with a group of brainies, wackos, and other weirdos as I claim myself one of them. I could imagine a life that is totally unpredictable yet perfectly conceivable. I could imagine myself in college. I already want to be in college. And I couldn’t wait any longer.
But then, my vivid visions became obscured by the fear of what the merciless future might bring. I feared that no one would befriend, accept, or appreciate me. I feared that I would flunk. I feared the total diversity that could make me forget my values. I feared the complicated and intricate lessons. I feared the harsh reality. I feared the bigger world I am now a part of. I feared what my personality could make of me. I feared the problems that I would encounter. I feared forgetting what I’ve learned. I feared that I myself would be trapped inside the labyrinthine structure of my mind. I feared everything. I feared the college life I was once impatient for. I feared what I dreamt.
“A single positive dream is more important than a thousand negative realities.”
If so, then there is nothing to fear. Adeline Yen Mah’s words shot through me like an arrow, and it hit hard–hard enough to make me believe in my dreams once more, accept the cruelties this life has to offer, and continue living my life, carrying with me my books and engraving in my heart the true lessons my school really wished to impart and teach. I would carry on with my life–the life I would make it…
There is nothing to fear…
With hopes of future positivity,
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